I saw a sign in a restroom of a popular restaurant on communication. The sign indicated there were basically three ways to get your message out. Telegraph, telephone, telawoman.
Not quite sure on the accuracy of this sign, but I do know that communication is difficult. Albert Mehrabian undertook an extensive study in 1971 on this subject and is often quoted to this day. He said that: “Words (the literal meaning) account for 7% of the overall message, tone of voice accounts for 38% of the overall message, and body language accounts for 55% of the overall message.
No wonder it is tough to communicate. In a healthy relationship, fights are inevitable.
Disagreements, conflicts, and discussions (heated or otherwise) should not be avoided, as often they are symptoms of a problem that needs to be solved. A better approach is to embrace these events as opportunities to go deeper, to be more connected and experience a greater understanding of each other and the issues. However, to experience the value of conflicts, there are a few guidelines one should follow. So below I give you eight tips on how to have a “good” fight.
1. Have the same goal
Your partner is not your adversary, but someone you married because you loved each other. Attack the problem not each other.
That means no loud voices, no hand thumping, no prolonged eye contact, no standing erect with your feet apart, no expansive gestures (arms flying around), no sneering, no expressions of disgust and no making demands. You can’t belittle your partner or any other person whose name comes up in the argument. You can’t answer for another person. You have to make a conscious effort to dispense with name calling, swearing or expressing hostility. You have to resist the temptation to respond to something your partner says with a clever put-down. Avoid repeated use of the word ‘You!’ That’s all your partner is going to hear; she won’t get past the pronoun. Above all, no hitting! All these are examples of aggressive behaviours. We get married to nurture each other and help each other grow. Tearing your partner down – even when you’re upset, especially when you’re upset -- isn’t part of the bargain. Colossians 4:6 Be gracious in your speech.
2. Know when to take a break
Never argue before bed time. If you feel like you’re getting hot; say something like, I am losing control and I need to take a break. The trick is not to let it slide when the emotion of the moment passes.
3. Make an appointment to discuss sensitive issues
Deal with it when it is appropriate, not just before bed, when you have time, and when both of you are emotionally prepared.
4. Listen to each other
Practice saying back to the person what you heard and asking, is this correct? Keep at it until you actually hear what the other person is saying.
5. Develop strategy to deal with the concerns expressed
The strategy could be as simple as to seeing a counsellor as a first step along the way to developing a detailed plan on how to resolve the issue at hand.
Bonus Point: Admit your own mistakes and always extend forgiveness and ask for the same. 1 Peter 4:8 “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”
Doreen and I put these things into practice early on in our marriage and we are happy to say, that despite some very rough patches, we are still happily married for 39 years and still going strong.
This Sunday we are happy to host a team from Clearwater Bible College, our Fellowship of Christian Assemblies (FCA) School. They will be presenting this Sunday and their theme is Fight the Good Fight. Whether it is our marriages, jobs, or our own personal development, we have to be willing to “fight the good fight”. To achieve anything of worth requires our engagement. You will be encouraged and strengthened to achieve new victories as we experience together “the good fight.”
Looking forward to seeing you this Sunday.
Clearwater Bible College on Tour
This coming Sunday, March 25th @ 10:30am Clearwater College students will be visiting us on their ministry tour. This year’s theme is Fight the Good Fight. Please consider bringing a friend to this faith building event.
Easter Celebrations
On Resurrection Sunday, April 1st, we will have three wonderful events you can take part in. First, enjoy the Easter morning with the Christians from many different churches at 8 am at Lakeside Park. Then come on down to KCF for Brunch at 8:45 am. Finally we will celebrate the resurrection together at 10:30 am. What a great morning it will be. Each of the events is open to the community and everyone is encouraged to bring family and friends. Contact the office for participation opportunities.
Growth Groups
Dreams to Destiny will be theme for our next series of Growth Group sessions. This ten week character study on the life of Joseph will be an encouragement to us all. By participating in a Growth Group you will get maximum benefit out of this sermon series. Why not sign up today. Growth group is a wonderful opportunity to grow in God and with each other. Registration time for the next start-up is now underway. Group gatherings will begin on Thursday, April 5 and will run until June 14. Contact the KCF office to register or sign up at the Guest Table on Sunday.
Family Camp at Dutch Harbour
Why not consider taking a part of your holidays to join us for family camp this year. This is an inexpensive opportunity to enjoy the outdoors, Kootenay Lake, beautiful mountains and beaches, plus be inspired and encouraged. This will all happen within the community of wonderful people. Pastor Dan Walton will be our guest speaker and Cliff Schneider will provide Children’s Ministry for the kids. Join us July 2 to 6. Contact the office to register.
S.H.A.R.E. Nelson
Want to know how to get a good deal on some great items? Follow the S.H.A.R.E. Nelson Facebook page and don’t miss out on any sales.
S.H.A.R.E. is accepting and receiving donations and new items are being put out for sale every day. If you would like to volunteer at S.H.A.R.E. we currently have great ministry opportunities. Call the store at 250.352.1222 or stop by the store to inquire. Click on this link to check out S.H.A.R.E.’s video! Check out our FB page.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0aZX9v7gxdM
Calendar of Events
Visit our website at http://www.kootenaychristianfellowship.com for all the news, sermons, and places to donate.
Pastor Jim
March 23, 2018
E-transfers to office@kcfoffice.com
Kootenay Christian Fellowship520 Falls Street (1/2 Block up from Baker Street)Nelson, BC V1L 6B5